Need To Come Up With A Title For This Post

(NOTE: This is a pretty painful post. Those of you looking for the smartass B with his funny kickass comments should move on. See ya on the next one, where I promise to be irreverent and make milk shoot out of your nose)

It's funny how the universe listens to you.

I have issues. No secret there. What gives me an edge in the game is that I know what my issues are.

I was in a local bookstore thumbing through the tomes for last minute Mother's day gifts and came across this in the self-help section.

"Came across" is relatively incorrect. The book did everything but jump off the shelf into my hands. It was a little out of my budget but felt it was too important to pass up.

That's me.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately; mostly because of Berry, who I just recently met. She's great, and cute, and wonderful, and and and...

COMMA

There's an issue.

She's more successful and makes more than me. A LOT more.

I know, it's stupid. My issue doesn't have anything to do with getting my testosterone rocks off, nor is it that I feel differently about her because of it. It's not even the culture difference (although that's what I originally thought).

It's that it reminds me of all my unrealized success.

Oh, FTR... I asked her about it and it's a non-issue for her, so the issue is totally on my side.

As a 30-something intelligent single white male American I have all possible advantages in life. There should be a government program for those of us who haven't made it yet (rimshot).

But there's one reason and one only that my full potential has not been achieved.


wait for it...


Me.


This guy.


It's the reason...
Why I slack on my blog posts.
Why I've owned my own business for about 6 months and haven't done anything with it.
Why I forget birthdays, anniversaries, etc.
Why I show up to important things at the last minute (or more commonly 15 minutes late).
Why I'm always behind on my deadlines.
Why my place needs to be cleaned (again).
Why I haven't finished any of the three books I started writing.
Why I'm paying bills at the last minute.
Why I'm still smoking.
Why I always have a dozen unfinished projects lying around.
Why I "forget" to call or email that person back.

You get the picture.

What hurts the most is that I'm aware of it. That I look at that half-fone letter, or that blog post, or that grant application and KNOW that it needs to be done. It's almost finished. It could be out the door in 2 minutes. Rebates are a perfect example. As a technophile, you get lots of mail-in rebates. I will make a purchase with the rebate in mind, and when I get home I'll actually fill out the form and put it in the envelope, ready to mail.

And don't.

Then, two months later, I'll find it in a desk drawer and have to throw it out because it's WAY past expiration. Who does that?

What is stupid is that there is some comfort, some sense of accomplishment in just starting something I won't finish. I will get going, get the momentum, and then let it collect dust. But that's not what I want. I want to finish what I start.

The worst part is that I KNOW what can be accomplished. Two years ago I achieved amazing things, much more than expected with just a little action. I don't know what turned off the momentum but it did.

Awareness is the key to change.

And the change WILL be made. I'm tired of making excuses.

I just don't know how.

Maybe this book will have some answers.