10 Most Annoying Things In RPGs

In all the RPGs (Role-Playing Games, for you Philistines) played in my life, there are a lot of common themes/traits/concepts that are standard across the board, in particular MMORPGs. Here's my list of the ones that annoy me the most for whatever reason.

1. An apple a day...
Eating for health. I decided to start with this one because it's almost universal. You just spent an hour in a firefight with a Godlike boss, you're almost dead, leg gnawed off, and how do you repair your health? Start chowin down on that pork loin in your bag.

Doesn't make sense to me either. I hate this concept because it's silly, and where did someone get that idea? Was someone in a bad accident, impaled by his steering wheel, only to have a paramedic arrive on the scene to say, "Here. Have this sandwich." I'll take a Vicodin, if you don't mind.

Which brings us to...

2. No poopin allowed.
Don't get me wrong. I don't want to spend all my time using the "facilities" for the sake of realism. But with all the ridiculous amounts of eating and drinking that goes on, most characters would explode by level 5 from severe gastroenteritis.

Anyone that plays a mage on World of Warcraft knows exactly what I'm talking about. You're eating constantly. So much so that they created a spell to MAKE your own food.

Waiting for the Vindicator's Portapottie of Sweet Release.


3."Blind" monsters.
This is one aspect that adventure and FPS games have started to get it right. All limitations aside to AI, you'd think that the monsters would notice certain things. Certain things like their dead compatriots lying on the floor in front of them, fresh entrails on the walls, etc. But they usually casually walk over them as if nothing happened.

"Hey Fred, I was meaning to ask you... Fred?"
/steps over Fred's eviscerated, mangled body
"Hmm, Fred musta went out for coffee. I'll just walk over here then."

Don'tcha think seeing Fred's tongue nailed to a door would give ANY cause for alarm?


4. Random Drops.
One of the reasons for grinding monsters (just random killing) is to get gear. I get that part. But I never understood how I could get a full set of platemail armor or a two-handed battle axe from a squirrel.

A few questions arise from this...
-How the hell did he get it?
-Where is he carrying it?
-Do I really want to wear a helmet that was found shoved up a spider's ass?

Unless you can kill a rat and wear it on your head, it makes zero sense.


5. Inventory space.
Diablo II and Prince of Qin almost got this right. But carrying around a Rocket Launcher, a M50 machine gun, lead pipe, 400 legs of lamb (see above), about 20 quest items plus 5000 rounds of ammunition would logically make movement kinda limited.

Instead, you have people jumping from place to place with no issue like there's a goddamn spring up their ass.

Think of the last time you were bringing in groceries. You have 4 bags in each hand. Now imagine carrying those bags while fighting off ninjas with a 40lb sword in your hand.

Speaking of...


6. Repairs.
I'm venting mostly to World of Warcraft and a handful of others here. A common trend is to have weapons and armor get damaged over time. I dig this concept, because the indestructible armor in the other games is pretty silly in its own right.

COMMA

Pair this up with tradeskills and you have an issue. For example, on WoW I have a character that's an artisan blacksmith. He can create all sorts of cool armor and weapons from raw metal, sticks, mud, and bits of string. However, he can't buff out a ding on his own armor. For that he has to go to a guy that...

sells.

thread.

I shit you not.


7. Do it your damn self.
A common quest is when a NPC asks you to retrieve something from a monster/boss. Now here's a common scenario...

You (level 12 pissant): "You summoned me, sire?"
King Uberbadass (level 5,000 God NPC): "Yeah, glad you could make it. I'm in the mood for a snack. Go into the forest and bring me the spit gland from 40 mutant hamsters."
You: "Aren't those like level 20 elite monsters?"
King: "Something like that. Take a friend."
You: "But you could walk over there and like collect those in 5 minutes."
King: "I could, but then I wouldn't give you the next quest, which you need to get the key to the secret dungeon."
You: "So you're just being a dick sending me to have my ass handed to me for your own amusement?"
King: "Pretty much."

Everquest was notorious for this, as were quite a few of the Final Fantasy series. What pisses me off about this is that there is almost always a "we barely escaped with our lives" story attached to it.

Lying bastards.


8. You put WHAT, WHERE?
While we're on the subject of quests... This happens far too often. You're sent to retrieve the +3 Stick of Awesomeness. You go to the guy that's supposed to have it, and then:

"Hey, Earl! Did you see that stick lying around?"
"Yeah. I left it in the butt of that dragon over yonder."
(to you) "Well, guess you're going to go have to get it yourself. Here's some salad tongs and a pair of rubber gloves. Good luck!"

WoW is so guilty of this. It's ok to slap in something that will fill the story a bit. And I'm not looking for uber-realism. But at least put forth the effort to make it feasible.


9. Find your own damn way back.
Escort quests. Because some idiot with no skills managed to make his way to the middle of a dungeon doesn't mean I have to walk your ass back out. Especially since monsters from other games are clamoring over each other to get them some.

For god's sake, give them a sword/armor/shovel/anything.

If I can, I'll let them beat up on you just so I can give you a big "serves you right." What's worse is when they run off without you, a plot device with a death wish.


10. A few of us have SOME semblance of a life.
Boasting "40+ hours of gameplay" doesn't fool us any more. We know that means that you'll spend 30 hours running from place to place (looking at you, Morrowind) to retrieve the lost talisman of yodeling. Of course, the only one that knows where that is will only tell you if you can retrieve his buttscratcher from a space station, which he doesn't have a key. But he tells you who does, a rat that happens to live in the sewer of another game... etc etc

You get the picture.