Top 10- Murphy

So I've had Murphy for almost a week now, and somehow in his absence I had forgotten what a funny guy he is. Not so much dry, obscure humor like me, but funny in a sort of slapstick, sweet, innocent knock-knock joke way that "special-needs" kids are funny.
Yeah. Have I mentioned before that he's a candidate for the Special Olympics?

OMFG! There's an idea! A dog show with agility trials for stupid dogs! Anyone want to help me work on that?

So anyway, he's very expressive, and here are my favorite things he's done in the last 5 days...

• When he needs to go out, he rings this little bell on the door (old story). If I don't get up right away, he'll run back to me, then to the door, then back to me, faster and faster, until he becomes this blur of negative IQ, slamming his head on the door with each circuit.
  
• The wonderment of when he goes out on a "business trip," does his duty (heehee... "doody"), and I whip out a bag and pick it up. He looks at me as if to say, "so remind me again WHY I have to come outside for this?"
• On that same topic, when I'm "relieving" myself, he'll always be beside me. "Hey, Hey, HEY! I drink outta that thing!" He doesn't (I keep the lid down), but still.
  
• 9 o'clock is his bedtime. Not by choice, that's just when he crashes. You can tell he's not used to living with an insomniac. So at 9 each evening I notice he's nowhere to be found, and I'll go upstairs and he's curled up in bed, on my pillow, making sure to leave fur all over it.
• Usually at about 11, he'll come sleepily to where I am, sit down, yawn, slowly turn around and go back to bed. I guess that's his version of "It's late. Come to bed."
• Along those same lines, when I do go to bed, trying to move him out of my spot is an ordeal. He's dead weight, and if you try to move him he gets cranky and growls at me. It's cute as hell.
• He doesn't understand the link between commands and tricks. He knows about 6 tricks, but can't seem to connect any of those to a command. So if I have a treat (this gets worse if I have Pooter Doodles), I'll give him a command and he'll run through every single trick he knows hoping one of them will be the right one.
• The way he comforts himself with his Wooby. That's right, he has a security blanket. He'll shake the hell out of it, lie down on it with a big wad of it in his mouth, and watch tv until he falls asleep (He really likes Futurama for some reason).
• The amazement he has when I go to the big white magic box in the kitchen. You can see him trying to work it out in his head, "Waitaminnit, each time you open that big door you get FOOD? I really need to evolve thumbs."

And my favorite thing of all...

• If I take him for a non-business walk, he'll crash HARD. We only walk about a mile or so; the boy has zero stamina. So later on I'll hear noises coming from the next room. He'll be dreaming up a storm. Legs twitching, ears wiggling, tail trying to remove itself, and the yips. My GAWD, he's cute when he's dreaming. It's scientifically proven to be impossible to not grin like a maniac when watching that.