YARR... Me Be In Trubble

Now that I'm off for the holidays, I decided to finish up some projects I've been putting off for the longest time.

One that I've promised for ages was a Jolly Roger Shower curtain for a friend's pirate-themed bathroom. Originally I thought this would be easy. A search online found none. The closest thing I could get was this:


Which is just wrong on two levels. First of all, I don't do vinyl. Period. Secondly, it's...well... gay. I mean look at it.

The next idea was to find a 6x10 flag, add some metal grommets, scotch guard the whole damn thing and be done with it. That'd be fine, but the largest flag I could find was 3x5.

So ideas were running short. Then I got a DIY bug up my butt and said, "To hell with it, I'll make one myself." After scouring the hobby shops, the Targets, the Wally World, and the home furnishing stores, I finally found a black polyester shower liner at BB&B that may work. I ran back to the hobby store and grabbed a couple of bottles of white fabric paint, a brush and four poster boards for making a stencil.

That was a couple of months ago.

Fast forward to today. I was feeling like crap. Sore throat, aches, coughing. So much so that I had to cancel a date I've been trying to get for weeks (And note to Miss Presley...I am sorry). So i decided to take my mind off it by working on this project. The only place I could possibly consider doing this was on my dining room table.

COMMA

With all the presents I've bought/made for the holidays, my table looked like an elf threw up on it, so I did the next best thing. I went to work. Luckily I live across the street from my office, so I could jump over there in a couple of minutes. My boss just changed offices, and his old one was perfect for this project: two large empty desks, and it didn't hurt that I was the only one in the building.

I duct-taped the four poster boards together and printed out a jolly roger from the web. Sketching out the stencil turned out pretty well considering I used a graph method and eyeballed the thing. I was even careful to keep a piece of cardboard when cutting out the pieces beneath it to avoid scratching the desk. I like the woman that's going to be taking over that office, but she's the type you do NOT want to piss off.

Having finished the stencil, I secured it and proceeded to swath copious amounts of paint over the open areas. I wanted it to look weatherbeaten and older, so I put just one layer over it and blotted it with regular dry paper towels when it got tacky.

After all was said and done, it turned out pretty well if I do say so myself.


The white areas look a lot whiter in that picture. In real life it looks faded.

So allowing myself a break, I ran downstairs to have a smoke (I know, I know) while waiting for the paint to tack up a bit.

I decided to take it into my office and let it dry overnight. So I lifted the cloth up off the desk and a familiar feeling made my heart stop a bit.

~~~~~
I remember one time when I was about 12, I was playing with matches and lighter fluid out in the back yard (I was the only one home). One thing led to another, and I started a minor grass fire. it was put out rather quickly, but at that exact moment, I heard my Mom's car pull up the drive, and knew that I would have to explain how a ten-square-foot patch of grass suddenly looked like the beach at Normandy.
~~~~~

Yeah.



I got THAT feeling.



That big "OH SHIT" moment.


Why? you ask....









...









Wow.


Silly me for thinking that paint would gush through something designed to be water-resistant.

Honestly, it looked kinda cool, but doesn't really portray a "professional" image, in particular since our company does contract work for government taxing agencies.

I never moved so fast in looking for cleaning supplies. I grabbed a roll of paper towels and located a bottle of Windex, which worked out better than you would think. I got most of it off, and luckily I have another week and a half to go back over there and clean off the remaining white specks.

Anyway, my project is done, and I had enough adrenalin left over to clean up the evidence and get home just in time to pass out exhausted on the couch.


Yarr.