Dogs' and Cats' Diaries

In my email today...

Dogs' and Cats' Diaries

Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary

8:00am Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30am A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40am Walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00pm Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00pm Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00pm Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00pm Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00pm Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!
11:00pm Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary

Day 683 of my captivity : My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape... In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.

The audacity! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released --and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded! The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.......for now.

When did this happen?

I'm turning into more of a Texan every day. Granted, born and raised here, in the country no less. But I've always viewed myself as a "New Texan," the cultured, yuppie techie-type.

COMMA

This morning alone I've caught myself saying the following phrases:

Fixin' to
Chompin' at the bit
You best not
I'll tell you what
Chunk it over there
Dagnabbit
Y'all (multiple)

It's not that I'm adverse to becoming that guy. After all, I'm proud of my Texas heritage (4th generation). But for real? "Chompin' at the bit?"

SHHHEEEEEEEEEEIIIITTTTTT...

Hokie Spirit

My heart goes out to those that have been affected by the recent tragedy at Virginia Tech, to those both directly and indirectly. My words may offer little consolation, but know that the human spirit goes on. To those walking away from this, I can say that you have been changed forever. No question there. Just decide what it means to you. Thoughts and feelings are things. The energy created by those things can be focused and molded to make a positive or negative change in the world. Choose wisely.

There are no bad emotions. It's ok to cry, to be angry, to be frustrated. It's ok to yell, scream, curse, and lament. Those actions release the pressure. But never lose sight of those around you. Take a look around. See the faces of those others affected. Be with them, share with them, hold them close and let those feelings fly.

Easier said than done, I'm sure.


It's been several days now, and fingers are already being pointed. Stop it. "What if's" solve nothing. What has happened, happened. There was no way to predict human nature. Our biggest strength is our biggest weakness.

My advice: Take what has happened, and become a better person. Anger and recrimination solve nothing. Fear and anger root you. Make a difference. As harsh as it sounds, something like this will happen again. But you are strong. Take those feelings and change the world.

"You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty."
-Mahatma Gandhi (1869 - 1948)

Perfect Morning

Waking up in your arms, bringing you your coffee. I sit on the edge of the bed, looking at your beautiful face. My hand caresses your cheek as your eyes open slightly, and your lips curl into a sleepy smile.

"Get out. You'll be late."

I smile.

I kiss you softly and leave, now prepared to take on the world.

Memories

Reality is perception. Actuality is what we focus on.

The sage says, history repeats itself. That's true, but only if you never take your eyes off of it.

Remember the past. Remember the good bits, the love, the laughter, the wonderfulness that is your memories. Just as you throw away something broken, discard the things that no longer work in your present. But hang on to the things that do work, the happiness in the past. That'll ensure that only the good history repeats itself.

If you focus too much on how dark the room used to be, you end up failing to see the candle burning there with you right now. See the flame. See the light. I'll keep it burning.

We all choose our memories. Make sure they're the memories that set you in flight, that free you rather than bind you. The world is ours. Come enjoy it with me. Love with me.

We are making new memories today, at this very second.
How I perceive life is dictated by one thing. I constantly ask myself, "Later in my life, will I look on this as a good memory?" If the answer is no, then I look for a way to change either my perception or my procedure. From my life now forward, there are only good memories being created. Everything else is forgotten.

Let's make a wonderful life together. And years from now when we're old, sitting on our porch yelling at kids to get off our lawn, we'll remember these times as the best moments of our lives.

The Goatee Saga

I'm trying to grow facial hair. Don't ask me why. I just got an itch to try again. I think it had to do with one day a few months ago when ChaCha mentioned I'd look good with one; But it might have something to do with the fact that I've never been able to before. That's right. I'm not the guy with a five-o'clock shadow. Hell, I barely have a shadow at five DAYS. I normally shave twice a week. Read that again. A WEEK.

So I'm trying again. I remember when I tried to grow a moustache in college. It wasn't happening, so I called my Dad, who has the same growth rate as me (translated: none). I remembered he had one during the 80's, along with half of the male US population. I asked him how long it took for him to actually grow it out. A few months. Not the answer I was looking for. But he did tell me that he hated it. It had just taken him so long to grow it out that he didn't have the heart to shave it off.

My dad. Love him.

The process has begun. It's been almost two weeks now, and I've already shaped it. The beginning of a decent Vandyke. A bit scraggly, perhaps, and a bit more gray in there than I'd like, but decent nonetheless.

But the moment of truth is tonight. I'm seeing ChaCha and she will decide. Honestly, I could go one way or the other. I as of yet have not developed a relationship with it, so if she doesn't like it, then it's gone.

D-Day Revisited

So I'm done, finished, complete. Captain Hook will not be digging in my mouth with that Mephistophelian backhoe for at least 2 months.

Needless to say, I'm jazzed.

Jazzed and in pain. Throbbing, being-punched-in-the-face-repeatedly pain.

I decided this morning to damn the torpedoes and take a Vicodin this morning. It still hasn't kicked in, but the throbbing has at least waned a bit.

Something occurred to me this morning, though. They mentioned on that initial visit that on the second appt (i.e. yesterday) that they would also fill a small cavity. They didn't. Needless to say, I'm not saying a word.

But for at least a couple of months Captain Hook will need to find another victim for his nefarious experiments.

Ow.



On a side note: How many of you noticed that my Google Adwords links are regularly for Dental care? That cracks me the hell up.

Keywords

ChaCha asked me what the keywords should be for her blog. It got me thinking. I mean, to break down one's innermost feelings put out into the universe in single, defining words, separated by commas.

Then it hit me.

Perhaps the difficulty I've been having with creating the life I want is that even though I KNOW how I want my life, I must define it. Not in the traditional definition, but instead as keywords. I AM a geek after all, so perhaps this will make more sense to me.

So here they are. The 20 keywords for my life.

Excellence, Believe, Happiness, Compassion, Passion, Success, Generosity, Greatness, Peace, Humor, Independence, Worth, Exciting, Life, Growth, Amazement, Wonder, Achieve, Unconditional,

And Love.

D-Day 2: The Reckoning

Today at 1:30. That's when they go back in, past the DMZ, into the forbidden zone of the left side of my mouth. As they said when they rescheduled, "It'll be about 2 hours. I want to spend a lot of time in there."

Not something I'm looking forward to.

Look, my teeth need to be cleaned. There's a bit of work to be done in there.

BUT

You know the last time I went wasn't the most pleasant experience I ever hoped to have. It ranks between getting kicked in the 'nads and falling off a 10-story building and getting my eyelid caught on a nail. So don't inform me that this situation will be worse. Lie to me. Tell me that it'd feel like oral sex forced upon me by a roving gang of supermodels. Say that the only discomfort will be from the 18-year-old naked Polynesian princesses walking on my back while feeding me apricots from platinum trays and describing the porn series they're in with their twin sisters. At least then I'd only be pissed off afterwards, and not before the fact.

And people wonder why I haven't gone in 5 years.


To top it all off, I get to come back to work after (again).

Friends