Collection Tales #4764987

I get a call from my Dad. At work. Since he's in his 70s, I get a little concerned about random calls.

Turns out he just got off the phone with a collection agency, and they were trying to locate me.

Fuh Real.

Three points need to be made here:
1) I fixed my credit months ago, and only know of two open accounts against me that I'm currently at war.
2) This wasn't either of those (I'm VERY familiar with their numbers), and they both know how to get in touch with me.
3) My parents' names haven't been on anything since 1999.


He gave me their number, and I immediately called them. They went through the regular spiel, and said that they were trying to collect a past due balance of $187.36.

I was puzzled. "For what company?"
"Southwestern Bell"
"... Really?"

I tried really hard to not laugh.

New points to be made here:
1) Southwestern Bell doesn't exist. In 1995, it was changed to SBC Communications, and the name and logo were finally discarded in 2001. Then in 2005, it merged with AT&T.
2) The last time I had a Southwestern Bell account was before I moved to Denver in 2000.
3) Are you friggin kidding me?

I decided to play it cool. "Ummmm... what?" were my exact words.
"Yes, we purchased this account to collect on this debt."
"What was the date of last activity on this account?"
"1998. We can take your payment over the phone."

I couldn't hold it in any more. I busted a gut laughing into the phone. I told her, "I am NOT going to pay this or even bother talking to you again. Even if I DID owe this (which I don't), you have no possible way to collect."
SHE: "Can you prove that this isn't your debt?"
ME: "No, because I don't keep my bills from the last decade. Besides, burden of proof is on you. Good luck finding any paperwork on this."
SHE: "Sir, this will be reported to all three credit reporting agencies."
ME: "They won't report it. It's past the seven-year Statute of Limitations."
SHE: "We can sue you for it."
ME: "Go right ahead. seven-year SOL on that too."
SHE: "Errr..."
ME: "Look. Face it. you have no legal recourse, unless they changed the laws this morning and I missed it."
SHE: "We'll send you something in writing, sir." Click.

Looking forward to that, especially since she never got my address, and I've moved 7 times since I had that account.

It's good to be the king.