More Than Meets the Eye

The last pieces for my new computer came yesterday. I managed to put it together without too much of a hitch. The only thing I now need is an extended audio cable (the case has headphone/mic jacks on the top of the case. How cool is that?) because the one that I have won't reach the connection on the motherboard.

Other than that, it's ready for the great on-turning. Speaking of, I thought long and hard about what to call this one on my network. I always have at least two systems active, a main and backup/storage. The storage PC in use right now is named SEPTIC, since that's where I put all my shit. I'm going to clean it out and reformat it to loan out to a friend of mine that's currently using an eight-year-old PC (cringe).

My current primary is appropriately called HAL, since it does whatever the hell it wants.

HAL: "What do you think you're doing, B?"
Me: "I'm just trying to download my credit cards into Quicken."
HAL: "I'm sorry, B. I can't let you do that."
Me: "Why the hell not?"
HAL: "This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it."
Me: "What mission? What are you talking about?"
HAL: (freezes)

Therefore, I needed to come up with something appropriate. There ended up being no debate, as she shall be named... DEEP THOUGHT. Ok, I'm showing my geek colors again, making a Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy reference. Now all I need is a "Don't Panic" sticker to put on the front.

The Great On-Turning will most likely be tomorrow. I decided to get a bigger desk, so just for the sheer complexity of my cable management it would be dumb to hook it all up, then disassemble (NO DISASSEMBLE NO. 5!) the setup to do it again.

ChaCha came over last night and the first thing out of her mouth when she saw it was...
"It looks like a Transformer!"
It does. Really. I had that thought too, and I never made the connection to the fact that the case name is "transformer." Captain Obvious to the rescue!

Anyway, I'll let you know tomorrow how bad the fire damage is once I plug it in.

Pozegnalny Stash

I just got an email from my Mom. My uncle Stanley passed away about an hour ago. He was my Dad's oldest brother, and probably the closest relative to me outside of my own little nuclear family.

He was the one that gave me my first job, hauling hay for him when I was 14. (Yeah, I've got my country roots). He used to sit down with me, give me beer and we'd tell each other dirty jokes for hours.

He was also the first one to teach me Polish. Not really how to speak it, that was my Great-Aunt Julie's mission in life. He taught me some words, quite a few of them I could use in mixed company.

It's not too much a surprise, he's had major health issues for decades. But the upsetting story is all to similar. After I moved away we lost touch. I missed my chance to let him know that I loved him these last few years.

And for that, I'm Glupszy niz ustawa przewiduje.

Love you, Stash. Jeżeli nie ma żadnego piwa w Raju, witają Szatan dla mnie.

Rediscovering Myself

One of my goals for the 3-day weekend was to go through my storage unit. SIDE NOTE: Jean apparently still has my steam cleaner. I need to go pick it up this week.

I'm pretty proud of myself. I divided the goods into three piles, roughly equal.

One, stuff to throw away. This was the hardest part. I'm a huge pack rat. I'm the guy that when preparing for the final assault on the north face of Mount Everest, I'd take along those aquarium filters just in case. But I bit the bullet and made spur of the moment decisions.

Two, stuff to give away. There's tons of this stuff. I could make a killing on this if I do a yard sale, but honestly I just want to be done with it. Plus, someone could get use out of it. A year and a half ago I wish someone had something I could use that they could just give to me.

Three, stuff to keep. This was interesting. I came across tons from my sordid past. Sketches, paintings, stories, poetry, unsent love letters, received cards, letters, photos. the list goes on. I'm a pretty fascinating guy. Like the essay I wrote in college: Poe's "Inferno": Tsalal Commentary on Judeo-Christian Hell. Even I was impressed. Made me wonder, when did I stop writing? When did I stop painting? Short answer to that was when I had an accident about four years ago. But that's a cop out, and I know it. I stopped because I got caught up in my own life. That may be why I decided to start blogging. We all need that creative release. Baring one's soul. Feeling that love, that humor, that fear. Reliving those moments.

I did find some cryptic things. Odd little poems, notes, letters. Once my new comp is up and running I'll scan some in and post them for feedback, humor, or just for the hell of it.


I'm sure I'll have more to say as I return to collect more.

Oh, How I Hate Bureaucracy

So originally when I had the pinched nerve, I went downstairs and spoke with my HR department (aka Marie) to see if this was covered under my AFLAC. I mean, if they'll pay me for having an injury, who am I to judge? She then mentioned me perhaps filing this under workman's comp.

/cringe

No, I told her. This was the first time I've had it, it was a fluke, just something that happened. So after I came back, Marie said that Teresa wanted to talk to me. She's in charge of Administration, and essentially Marie's boss. Well, we kept missing one another until today. I got a speech about what my rights were under the TWCS, a rather lengthy discussion of my posture and office arrangement, and got forms to fill out.

Whoa!! Back up there, cowboy. I told them already I didn't want to claim Worker's Comp. Honestly, I spend almost as much time on my computer at home, possibly causing the issue as well. They kept right on with the discussion.

Next thing I know I'm in my office, with two short middle-aged women hovering over me, evaluating how I sit, like I'm in the final trials for the PanAm Typing and Posture Olympics (PATPO).

These were things actually said during my final set:
"Look at how your knees are. They should be L-shaped."
"No. No. No. No. You're sitting all wrong."
"It doesn't matter how comfortable your chair is."
"Maybe we can move that table where that piece is and move that piece there."

So now they have me sitting in a laughably uncomfortable chair today, while my LAZBOY is sitting across form my desk, mocking me. Hopefully this will light a fire under them to get my chair fixed (I've been trying to get that chair repaired for the last 3 months).

I should have just called in and kept my big mouth shut.


And if they think I will do anything with the forms they gave me other than making airplanes (or even paper mache effigies of them) they are sadly mistaken.

And I'm NOT rearranging my office.

Third World War

I recently came across this article explaining how China's Defense Department is utilizing cyberweapons, in the form of viruses and hacks. It occurred to me how applicable this is in our modern society. Not only in warfare, but also in terrorism.

Think about it.

9/11 poked a sleeping bear, as did the embassy bombings, Oklahoma city, etc. But what if...

A terrorist organization wanted to attack America, for whatever cause/reason/manifesto. Instead of bombs, they attack our economy. They attack the databases at NYSE, AMEX, NASDAQ, the numerous banking systems. It's a scary thought. And it COULD happen. A sleeper worm could destroy our economy (for those not of the geeky persuasion, that's a virus that infiltrates other programs, but doesn't do anything until a set date, making it difficult to spot until activated) . Think about it. Credit cards wouldn't work, you wouldn't have access to your bank accounts, investment portfolios, 401Ks... Companies would not be able to sell anything, since nobody can buy. Life would not be the same. Living in a technocratic Capitalistic society definitely has its drawbacks.

I'm curious if our own defense department is working on something similar.


"I do not know what the third world war will be fought with, but the fourth world war will be fought with sticks and stones." -Albert Einstein

Wonder Twins FTW

I needed this laugh.

Maybe I'm Amazed

On my radio during my trip home. Many thanks to Paul McCartney.

And ChaCha... You know.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Baby I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you
Baby I'm amazed at the the way you pulled me out of time
Hung me on a line
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you

Baby I'm a man and maybe I'm a lonely man
Who's in the middle of something
That he doesn't really understand
Babe I'm a man and maybe you're the only woman
Who could ever help me
Baby wont you help to me understand

Baby I'm a man and maybe I'm a lonely man
Who's in the middle of something
That he doesn't really understand
Babe I'm a man and maybe you're the only woman
Who could ever help me
Baby wont you help me understand

Baby I'm amazed at the way you're with me all the time
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I leave you
Baby I'm amazed at the way you help me sing my song
You right me when I'm wrong
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you

No Parents Left Behind

The Wombat turned me on to a news article about parents upset about commencement restrictions.

If you don't feel like reading the article, here it is in a nutshell: All students in Texas must pass the TAKS test (Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills) in order to graduate. If they don't, and it's not difficult, they can take it again in July and graduate in August.

A school in Fort Worth was protested by parents angry that the kids wouldn't be able to walk during commencement. IMO, if they're not graduating, they don't walk. Case closed. The test isn't hard at all. It's a test that shows you have the basic remedial knowledge from the classes you already passed.



But the best part of the article?



Wait for it...





Yeah. That cracked me up.

3 Day Weekend

It's Memorial Day time again.

Three day weekend. Free and clear. It's funny how on normal weekends there seems to be just enough time to decompress, but that extra day almost gives you two extra days.

I sat down this morning and wrote out what I wanted to get accomplished this weekend.

• Clean my place (for real this time!)
• Get caught up on laundry (it's scary what I'm wearing just because it's clean)
• Finish at least 4 posts I've been putting off
• Start looking at houses again
• On Sunday ChaCha and I are going to see the new Pirates movie.
• Before that make sure to watch Dead Man's Chest
  
• Reorganize my office in prep for the new computer
• Run down to my storage unit and grab my steamer. If I'm up for it, go through it and throw out most of the stuff.

That's about it for now. The most important part is to spend time with ChaCha and let her know how important she is to me.

Have a great holiday weekend, all!

Yay for new technology

I just bought a new pc.

Or, I should say I just ordered the parts for a new pc.
That's right, I'm building one.

There's nothing really wrong with my old one. Mostly. It's three years old, so the hardware's decent. However, there is something strange happening with it, and as nerdish as I am I can't figure out what's wrong.

Here's the issue: I was having some video issues. Everything would work fine, but the quality was sub par. So I decided the first thing to try was to update the driver. That fixed the issue and everything looked stunning.

BUT...

After that, most videos wouldn't play. Any mpg, avi, mpeg or wmv would freeze the system and shoot the cpu usage to 100% and stay there. I had to shut it down by the task manager each time. Strange thing is, Flash players played fine. I could play flv files flawlessly. At that point I tried to roll back the drivers, at one point even uninstalling the video card and reinstalling. The old drivers wouldn't work and the system only recognized it generically and used the XP native drivers. I reinstalled the new drivers and once again, it looked wonderful but videos wouldn't play. I gave up, and decided to use it as an excuse to get a new one.

I'll still have my current pc, and I'm sure I'll dink with it until I get it to work. My current secondary computer will be reformatted and donated somewhere.

It still makes me cringe to spend that much money on something. But my justification is that I'm spending as much as I did for my tv.

I'm such a geeky tech whore.

I R N UR BLOG

Geek Nirvana

ChaCha and I went to see Spiderman 3 last night. Over 2 hours of Geek heaven.

I do have to say that this movie seems to be geared more towards the true sitting-in-the-basement-action-figures-collecting-D&D-playing die hard Spiderman fans.
Luckily for me, I happen to be one. Ok, so not that bad, but I used to read Spidey comics religiously from adolescence through my 20s.

It's an awesome film regardless, but "true believers" (wink to Stan the Man) will enjoy it tons more.

The visual effects were done flawlessly, and the acting was surprisingly good. I was very impressed, and recommend the movie to anybody that wants pure entertainment. You don't have to be a superhero fan to enjoy this. This is what action movies should be like.

That said, I only have 2 beefs about the movie:

*The first was about the Green Goblin Jr. I had a hard time taking it seriously because James Franco spent half his screen time as a spokesman for post-lobotomy patients (if you saw the flick you know what I mean) and the other half riding around on a jet-powered snowboard. Seriously. As cool as it was, and as much as I would LOVE to have one, it didn't push the dark & brooding image needed. In context, it almost seemed... well, silly. It would be like Clint Eastwood riding into town seeking revenge on a tricycle.

*The only other problem I had was there was too much going on. [WARNING: SPOILER ALERT]
Here are all of the main storylines going on at once..
- The Sandman, Flint Marko (POLO!), and his daughter.
- The Story of Uncle Ben's death
- The Symbiote and the black costume
- Peter getting emo
- Harry getting pissed and emo, then goofy, then vindictively evil, then honorable.
- Eddie (Topher Grace) and his own little issues, then Venom
- Mary Jane's fledgling career
- Peter's thing with MJ, then Gwen, then MJ again
- A weird little dance number
- etc
Too much. I understand why they had to delve, but at times it was hard to keep track.


Other than that, it was pure visual orgasm. It would be a crime for them not to continue the series. Hear me Topher?

Brightening your day...

For something a little more surreal, Try this.

Stopping to Smell the Flowers... Literally

It's wildflower season here in Texas. They haven't really started to mow the grasses beside the road, so the roadside is awash with colors. I've always been a fan of indian paintbrushes, but I dig all wildflowers. You see the buttercups, the bluebonnets, the thistle, almost too many others.

We'll come back to that.

Was heading off to work, and with four days of being totally useless and in pain, I decided to grab some coffee on the way out. FTR, I'm out of coffee (nudge to ChaCha). Sipping on that steaming cup of liquid orgasm, I felt happy. It was one of those happies that spontaneously combust. No reasoning, no purpose. Just a feeling of joy.

In order to get to my office from the coffee shop, I have to loop around the highway, which involves waiting through a light. A couple of times. So I pulled to a stop at the light. As I normally do, I took in my environment. Looking at the people around me. Some talking on their phone (grr), some singing with the radio, putting on makeup, etc. I flicked the ashes off my cigarette out my open window, and as I did, I saw them. I saw the flowers like I had never seen them before.

Without even thinking about it, I undid my seat belt, opened the door and slid out of my seat. I went to a patch of purple and yellow flowers, picked a couple, and held them to my nose as I inhaled deeply. I drank in their sweet fragrance.

Walking back to the truck, the light had just turned green. I looked at the people behind me, ready to give a "I'm sorry" shrug. But those in the cars behind me were just smiling. One waved.

No road rage, no honking. No middle fingers.

They let me get back in my truck and pull away, all of us better for the day.

Cutting off Your Own Head With a Chainsaw

This made me laugh.

When did Saturday happen?

Regardless of how I was feeling I was going to go to work. I'm sure the stuff was piling on my desk, creating a hazardous environment. Last time I was out for a couple of days the paperwork alone made my office a designated hardhat area. Plus, if I were to stay cooped up one more day I was going to have to start shooting people from my bedroom window.

So I dragged my drugged ass out of bed, took a shower, shaved, got dressed. managed to get into my truck without killing myself. Drove to the office.

To an empty parking lot.

Barren.

Void of cars.

That's right. In my addled state I thought today was Friday.

Haven't regrouped yet. My mind is still in weekday mode. And now I'm all dressed up and no place to go. I thought about going into the office anyway, but then I came to my senses.

Now my goals for the day have changed. They now involve Vicodin and cartoons.

Ow

In pain. With a capital P.

Underline.

Bold.

Italics.

24 point font.

My neck's been hurting since Monday. Yesterday morning it was hurting a little more. Regardless, I took a shower and as I lifted my arm to wash my hair, pain shot down my entire left hand side, almost causing me to collapse.

I'm pretty sure my exact words were, "OW?"

It went downhill from there. By 9 I was sitting in the doctor's office, listening to how my computer was the bitch that gave birth to a bouncing baby pinched nerve.

So for the last 15 hours I've been drugged and passed out. I'm on Vicodin & steroids (just something a 6'3" 270lb guy needs). It's been driving me crazy, so I thought I'd throw caution to the wind and do a post about it before I take my next pill.


Ouch.

Grill Skillz

80s.
Wendy's.
Rap.
Training.
Video.

'nuff said.

Perfect

I found my resume, blew off the digital dust, and am now updating. I'll send it over to Blizzard tonight. But I found something in addition in my personal archives at home.

After my divorce from Jean (That's what I decided to call my ex) last year, I made a map for my life. That included all of my goals in great detail. One of the key things was who I wanted to be with, my perfect partner.

I described her in great detail, almost 2 pages worth. As I read it to myself, I am still amazed at how closely it describes ChaCha, even after how biased I've become in the 8 months I've been seeing her. For the record, when I wrote that I would not meet her for another 2 months. It's incredible that I put that out into the universe and found her. I keep inadvertently reminding myself as to how marvelous and wonderful she is.

I hope that I match hers someday.

Let this be a lesson to everyone. In order to get what you want, decide what you want.




Due to its length I'm not posting it here, but if you would like to see a copy, feel free to email me on my gmail account (caffeinefrenzy).

Giddy

As the Chinese say, "Find a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life."

ChaCha sent me this press release.

...

Wow. (Literally).

World. Of. Friggin. Warcraft.

Yes, I'm so much of a geek that I would take a pay cut for this job. (Not a big one. I may be excited, geeky and crazy, but I'm not stupid). I figure I may as well get paid for all the hours I spend playing that game.

I'm almost bouncing in my seat for the sheer possibility.

Now I need to find my resume, and start making myself irresistible.


After all, that's not hard to do. I AM quite a catch, ya know.

Crazy people

I was thinking about crazy people today. Not the psychotics or the sociopaths, just your everyday, run-of-the-mill wackos.

How sad it must be to be "treated," or worse yet, "cured."

Think about it. One day you're Emperor of the Universe with superpowers, then you start getting treatment and taking medications. Now you're just a normal schlub.

Personally, I'd rather be convinced of my delusions, and be happy making my minions doing my bidding.




"Even if the voices in my head aren't real, they still have some pretty good ideas..."
-Unk

My Creepy Radio

The radio in my truck is psychic. Or empathetic. Or possessed. Or just evil.

It's something relatively new. It plays songs that amplify my mood. Whatever I'm feeling, it plays songs that directly amplify that feeling.

This is a problem.

I have control over my emotions. When I have a negative feeling I can mold it into something that empowers me.

Usually.

My radio won't let me.

Take this morning for example. Someone in a Lexus cut me off. On his cell phone (of course). Blatantly. Obviously. I have a truck, so it's not like he didn't see me. I normally get angry for 2.3 seconds, then let it go. But right as the feelings started to go away, "Killing in the Name" by Rage Against the Machine came on. Fuh. Real.

Still wanting to leave the bad place, I flipped to another station. "Last Resort" by Papa Roach.
Flip... "Get off of my Cloud" Rolling Stones.
Dammit. Flip to a pop station. "Losing Grip" by Avril Lavigne.

JEEZUS.
What CD do I have in? Can't remember. hit the button. "I Am" by Godsmack.

Holy Hell. I stabbed at the power button.

The damage was done.

I'd love to say that this was an isolated incident, but I'd be lying. Even the CDs I have always seem to queue up to the wrong song. If I put in a specific mix to make me feel a certain way, I get an error message and it spits the CD out.

It's evil, and it must be destroyed.

Reading the fine print

In Austin! I'll check this weekend to see if it still applies.
(click on the pic to see full size)

Mother's Day, Country Style

I got the rare opportunity to take out three (count'em, three) Moms yesterday. I drove down to San Antonio and took my folks, one sister and one of her kids, and said sister's in-laws to dinner at Bill Miller's. For those of you not from the south, Bill Miller's is in all essence BBQ fast food.

Yeah.

That's my roots. Getting together for a nice dinner on plastic trays.

We sat down and played my favorite game, one I like to call, "Guess who died?" I love my parents so much, but I'm beginning to realize exactly how old they're getting. At least they're cute about it. That, plus being country folk, make for a rousing game.

Other games they like to play:

• "Name that mystery ailment"
• "How the government is screwing me" (My sister's Father-in-law could go pro)
• "Who has a new relationship/is knocked up/is living in sin/is getting divorced/is seeing a [insert random ethnic group and/or religion]" (My Mom LIVES for this game)
• "Why haven't we met ChaCha yet?"

And my personal favorite...

• "Have you been going to church?"

I don't want to make it seem that my parents are hicks, because they aren't.

COMMA

They do play the part well.


Other than that, it was a really nice visit. I shouldn't have gone though, because ChaCha's been sick. I should have been there taking care of her. I have AWESOME bedside manner.

One Does Not Equal Three

Going to bed before I think about this too much.

I Am Mighty!

Found this a while back, and I run it every morning with the volume turned up all the way...

It's cheesy, but it helps on those "off days."

In your browser address bar, type [your name].youaremighty.com

Survival of the Fittest M&M

In my email today. (Thanks, D!)


(from someone who definitely has too much time on their hands)

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to
continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a
species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply
pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and
splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one
immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are
tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I
have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive
long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern
candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is
misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost
invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare
occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the
species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the
strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat
this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it
to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ
17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use
this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon
for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this
"grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand
tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the
True Champion.

There can be only one.

Worst. Movies. Ever.

I am SO renting all of these...

In my email today

Wow! I must be pretty important and a shrewd person for all of these business opportunities to come to me out of the blue.

• My "PARTNERSHIP IS URGENTLY NEEDED" to claim $18.5 million by pretending to be a next of kin to a national of my country in a "clear and legitimate aggreement." How could I possibly pass that up?
• Someone decided to send me a message just to inform me that "penis size does matter", plus a link to some website. Good to know. I'm a little busy, but I'll check it later.
• Another told me that I can have a guaranteed Platinum MasterCard!! with no credit checks! 100% approved! Credit limit up to $2500! How can I possibly ignore all of those exclamation points?
• Wow! Another business opportunity, by a born-again Christian no less! No Christian that devout will ever lead me astray. She must be sincere, because in the email she mentions God 8 times, Jesus 5 times, and Lord 6 times. Plus, she doesn't want her money to be used by unbelievers, as she will soon be "in the bosom of the Lord." I would help her, but it's only $3.5 million. Chump change compared to the first one.
• What a deal! Adobe Photoshop CS3 Extended for only $99.95!
• To hell with those business propositions... I won a lottery! An organization in The Netherlands pulled my email out of a digital hat and is awarding me 2.4 million Euros. Hang on, while I tell my boss I quit...
• Photoshop again... Must be a helluva deal to send me another notice.
• Also apparently I can buy ED (Erectile Dysfunction) pills cheapest on the net! Wonder who they've been talking to...
• V1@GR@!! C1@L1S!! LEV1TR@!! All typing errors aside, I'm starting to see a trend here. Really... Who have they been talking to?
• They REALLY want me to buy that Photoshop... (And now it's $89.95)
• I'm starting to get nervous with all the ED messages... It only happened once! I was nervous! And drunk! And tired!
• Ok, I get it. $89.95 is an awesome price for Photoshop. I haven't forgotten.
• Man, a lot of millionaires sure die without next-of-kins (nexts-of-kin??). This one is an Iraqi General that died in Baghdad. $24.5 million! NOW WE'RE TALKING! Still can't figure out why the money would go to the Hong Kong government if not claimed.
• The BMW International Awareness Program apparently pulled my email from a database and I won 550,000 Euros and a BMW 5 series!! Drinks are on me!
• Uh, oh. Looks like my Bank of America account has been compromised. I'll be back after I fill out this form to confirm my identity. I need to grab my credit card number, Social Security number, and all sorts of other information they need. I don't even remember ever having a BoA account...

So by my calculations, plus conversion fees, I can apparently purchase 568,649 copies of Photoshop. Not bad for one day.

My Own Karmic Cleansing

Here are some things in my life nobody ever found out about, and I need room for all the new good energy flowing into my life.

• When I was 13, a friend of mine named Adam wrote an incredible song. I showed it to everyone else and said it was mine.
• To Jennifer: At that party on the lake in '88 I kissed Sandra after you left.
• When I was 14ish I stole a Playboy from the Dad of a friend and let him take the blame. (NOTE TO DADS: Don't leave it it the john)
• I lied on my resume to get the job at Dell.
• To my freshman French teacher: I was the one that put the sign on your back. You really didn't deserve it.
  
• To Chris: I was the one that started that rumor. (You know which one.)
• Cal, she left you for me. I know how much you liked her. More than I did or ever could.
• My entire philosophy term paper was plagiarized. All of it. I made up the sources so you'd never find out.
  
• To Becky: I had a really good time taking you out in High School, and I'm a jerk for never ever telling you that. Or calling.

/sigh

That's just the tip of the iceberg.


But now I can at least leave those bags behind.



Feel free to post your confessions as well. It's a good feeling.
Or for more anonymity, you can send them to http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

Mercedes 320 this morning

To the driver in the white Mercedes 320 this morning that cut off me and several other drivers, sped across 3 lanes, while talking on your cell phone and generally made an ass of yourself...

When I saw the cop turn on his lights and pull you over, I almost choked on my coffee laughing at you.

Because of you...

While walking in the open air
Sunshine softly on my face,
I thought I heard your name
Drifting upon the warm breeze.

I turned to find
only a mockingbird
cocking his head to assess me.

I see your face
Upon the clouds
And in the reflections
Of windows as I pass
Standing beside me
Your cheek resting on my shoulder.

Remembering your touch
Your caress, your breath
Lifts me, fuels me
transforms me.

Because of you
I am who I am.

Because of you
Anything is possible.

Because of you,
I believe in Love.


Because of you.

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear

Mother's Day.

Sure, it's a created holiday to boost sales during a holiday gap, but I still want to celebrate. Or at least take my Mommy out.

I haven't decided yet what to get her. I don't want to go overboard to try to impress, like normal. I've come to the conclusion that my folks will see me the way they see me, regardless of my actions. They love me in their own way. And I love them.

Clock's ticking on the gift... Any ideas? I was thinking of swinging by James' place.

The Goatee Saga III: Goatee in da Hood

I have product.

Guess I'll stick with it for a while. It started to get a bit scraggly so I went out and bought a beard & moustache trimmer With Bonus Ear & Nose Attachment! (Half the packaging made sure to point that out).

So it's now shaped and growing in nicely, albiet slow. The gray in it has gotten positive reviews as well.

Funny part is how different I look. Before I was this [very] white guy, who looked sweet and could be trusted to deliver puppies to orphaned homeless babies. Now I kinda look like a badass. I guess you could call it a Clark Kent situation.

Funny.

I didn't even notice it myownself until it was pointed out to me.

So far I've been told I look like Tony Robbins, Dean Cain, and Antonio Banderas. Does anyone remember Antonio EVER wearing one? Me either. But it did bring up an interesting point. I look ethnic. Anyone that knows me can vouch for the fact that I look like a generic white guy. But with the 'tee I could quite possibly pass for a more "ethnic" group: Italian, Spanish, or Irish come to mind. (FTR, I'm Polish).

Hmm... Now to figure out a way to use this to take over the world..


MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....

Bastages

I have to go in. Somebody please give me a ton o' cash so I can tell them to kiss my ass.

Playing Hooky

Note to my employers: If I call in sick, I'm not. If I am sick, I'll go in and make you send me home.


I decided to call in today. All the extra hours and piles of work have reached critical mass and I just wasn't feeling it. I do know that I'll have to work extra to make up for it later, but this will give me time to decompress on all the things going on in my life.

So I woke up around 7, and decided to make the call immediately. My boss sometimes comes in at 7:30ish, so it was then or never. So I called his voicemail, put on my best "at death's door" voice, and told him I might come in this afternoon if I'm feeling up to it. But of course I won't.

I always thought it was funny how we all create a "sick voice" to call in with. Even when we are sick, we put up that same voice. My normal one is a scratchy, weak whisper.


Regardless, I'm using this day to think about some things, make some decisions, make some plans, forget about certain things, and be.

My Changing Universe

The floor is not level.

There was a rift in my universe tonight as if someone threw a stone across the ocean, breaking the surface of the water.

It's not the splash of the water I felt. The ripples and waves that reached the shore were what moved the pier.

However...

I'm still afloat.

Control over my universe is still in my hand.


I'm not going anywhere different.


Still on course.

Song For The Day

I'm not usually one for posting song lyrics, but this one seemed rather appropriate for some reason today...


Runnin' Down a Dream- Tom Petty
---------------------------------------------------

It was a beautiful day, the sun beat down
I had the radio on, I was driving
The trees went by, me and Del were singing
Little runaway, I was flying

Yeah running down a dream
That never would come to me
Working on a mystery, going wherever it leads
I'm runnin' down a dream

I felt so good, like anything was possible
I hit cruise control and rubbed eyes
The last three days the rain was unstoppable
It was always cold, no sun shine

Yeah runnin' down a dream
That never would come to me
Working on a mystery, going wherever it leads
I'm runnin' down a dream

I rolled on as the sky grew dark
I put the pedal down to make some time
There's something good waiting down this road
I'm picking up whatever is mine

Yeah runnin' down a dream
That never would come to me
Working on a mystery, going wherever it leads
I'm runnin' down a dream

Insomnia and Writer's Block

I'm an insomniac. Always have been.

I may have mentioned that before.

After I got home last night from ChaCha's (see last post), I was incredibly exhausted. By 7 I had fallen asleep on my couch watching TV.

I wake up at 9:30.

Shit.

I know now it'll take me forever to get back to sleep. Go upstairs, check out the blog metrics, stare at the screen for amusing sentences to enter my brain. Nothing.

I putter around downstairs, make something to eat, watch some cartoons.

Not tired in the least.

Around 11 I head upstairs to my computer. Perhaps now I can get out a couple of posts. I look at my drafts, and don't really feel any of those. I click on the "New Post" button and stare at the screen for about 15 min. Have a cigarette. Stare some more. Nothing.

I WoW for a bit. Still not tired. Around 1am I Alt-Tab over to the flashing cursor on that blank post page. Still nothing. Have another cigarette and stare. The more I look at that form mocking me with its nothingness, less enters my mind.

I decide to cut my losses. I shut down, and plod into the bedroom.

Lie down on the bed, still not tired. Look at the clock.

2:08

Crap.

Turn on the TV. Flip through the channels. Infomercial, Infomercial, Sports, Baby Einstein (who the hell has their kid watching TV at 2:30 in the morning??), Infomercial, Home shopping network...

Twilight Zone!

I set my timer to turn off the TV in an hour, and float into the world of a black and white Rod Sterling, blowing smoke into the camera, talking about player pianos and alternate realities.

Last time I remember looking at the clock it said 4:41.

I recall turning off my alarms (I have 2. It's something insomniacs need). But I actually get out of bed, awake at 7:42. Work starts at 8. Shower. Dress. Screw shaving.

8:10.

As long as I'm already late, I run and get coffee and breakfast, and stroll into the office at 8:45.

New day...

Best. Weekend. Ever.

We made it the whole weekend without even a minor annoyance with one another. To be fair, I can only speak for myownself. ChaCha did kick me out Sunday afternoon, which I get. We were both pretty exhausted from the traveling and the gorging and the drinking and and and. So decompression was needed on both sides.

Friday night was probably my favorite part. We went to Wally World and bought Tupperware chairs for her barren patio. Wal-Mart to me is a lot like Dennys. You can get what you need for a reasonable price, and you always feel better about yourself after leaving. It's sort of like watching Jerry Springer. No matter how bad a life you have, you're not one of those people. If you are the sort of person to get dressed up for Dennys or Wal-Mart, you are one of those people, and you really should set your standards higher. Anyway, we just bought chairs and olives yet still spent about 45 min running up and down the aisles, especially when we were around the toy section. Two people with ADD trying to walk by shiny things. Not pretty.

Once we got back we set up the chairs, made martinis and talked. And talked. And talked some more. Oh, yeah, we stopped to talk.

I LOVE our conversations.

The next morning after coffee and smooching we headed out to Fredericksburg for some shopping and beer. Well, a couple of beers. We weren't really in a drinking mood, after all the sloshiness from the prior evening. Surprisingly, we only stayed a couple of hours. But we did do a lot of window shopping and more talking. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed walking hand in hand with that gorgeous lady.

PLUS...

she got a pirate hat. Let me say that again. SHE GOT A PIRATE HAT. And wore it the rest of the day. In public. Voluntarily. How awesome is that?

We headed back and stopped off in Johnson City at this dive that claimed "The World's Best Chicken-Fried Steak" ("Over 3 Dozen Served" I shit you not. That was on the building).

It wasn't. Pretty decent, but not the best.

After getting back to her place, we sat down and watched about 5 hours of Coupling, one of my all-time favorite shows. If you want to check it out, in the Amazon search below type "BBC Coupling" for the DVDs. TOTALLY worth it. British comedy at its finest.

More beer, more snuggling.

Yesterday morning, after more of the smooching she made coffee and I made breakfast. Loads of bacony goodness. More Coupling, more smooching. There was a slight hiccup when ChaCha found out that Roger Clemens signed for a year contract with the Yanks, but that wasn't enough to ruin our weekend. More beer. More talking. Then she kicked me out.

Best.

Weekend.

Ever.


P.S. ChaCha....


You know.

YAY Mini-Vaca

ChaCha got the weekend off. I know, I was shocked too.

So we're basically playing it by ear, but at least we can see if we aren't beating each other after 2 1/2 days together. This will be the longest stretch together so far.

But, we have plenty of alcohol just in case.


I'll let you know.

My busy season has begun

Hi all!

Work has been incredibly busy, and I haven't been able this past week to slack off and write.

I think I may have finally realized that the largest opponent in our lives isn't negativity, or failure, or even bad luck.

It's getting caught up in other things, getting distracted. Kinda easy for someone as ADD as myself. As Lennon said, "Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans." I've neglected so much of my life in the past week, all for the sake of work.

Thinking of it now, I realize how stupid that is.

What's more important than spending time on my goals, or with ChaCha, or with my readers? Certainly not work. Of course there's a certain responsibility that goes with life. But at what cost?

I learned something today. This is my own Dragon, and it must be slain. Each day I will do something, regardless of how small that enhances my life and those around me.

A job is unimportant. The quality of life is not.

As long as you're waiting (New posts coming today. PROMISE!)

Here are a few puzzles to keep you busy:


Find the next in the following sequences:

O, T, T, F, F, S, S, E, ...??

(for ChaCha) 3, 9, 27, 81, ...??

4, 4, 1, 2, 1, 1, 2, ...??

1, 4, 27, 256 ...??

Stay with me...

I know it's been 3 days, and I have a lot of posts to finish (6 in drafts alone).

Sorry for the delay, and keep checking back for more ramblings...




Live with Passion!

-B