In my email today

Wow! I must be pretty important and a shrewd person for all of these business opportunities to come to me out of the blue.

• My "PARTNERSHIP IS URGENTLY NEEDED" to claim $18.5 million by pretending to be a next of kin to a national of my country in a "clear and legitimate aggreement." How could I possibly pass that up?
• Someone decided to send me a message just to inform me that "penis size does matter", plus a link to some website. Good to know. I'm a little busy, but I'll check it later.
• Another told me that I can have a guaranteed Platinum MasterCard!! with no credit checks! 100% approved! Credit limit up to $2500! How can I possibly ignore all of those exclamation points?
• Wow! Another business opportunity, by a born-again Christian no less! No Christian that devout will ever lead me astray. She must be sincere, because in the email she mentions God 8 times, Jesus 5 times, and Lord 6 times. Plus, she doesn't want her money to be used by unbelievers, as she will soon be "in the bosom of the Lord." I would help her, but it's only $3.5 million. Chump change compared to the first one.
• What a deal! Adobe Photoshop CS3 Extended for only $99.95!
• To hell with those business propositions... I won a lottery! An organization in The Netherlands pulled my email out of a digital hat and is awarding me 2.4 million Euros. Hang on, while I tell my boss I quit...
• Photoshop again... Must be a helluva deal to send me another notice.
• Also apparently I can buy ED (Erectile Dysfunction) pills cheapest on the net! Wonder who they've been talking to...
• V1@GR@!! C1@L1S!! LEV1TR@!! All typing errors aside, I'm starting to see a trend here. Really... Who have they been talking to?
• They REALLY want me to buy that Photoshop... (And now it's $89.95)
• I'm starting to get nervous with all the ED messages... It only happened once! I was nervous! And drunk! And tired!
• Ok, I get it. $89.95 is an awesome price for Photoshop. I haven't forgotten.
• Man, a lot of millionaires sure die without next-of-kins (nexts-of-kin??). This one is an Iraqi General that died in Baghdad. $24.5 million! NOW WE'RE TALKING! Still can't figure out why the money would go to the Hong Kong government if not claimed.
• The BMW International Awareness Program apparently pulled my email from a database and I won 550,000 Euros and a BMW 5 series!! Drinks are on me!
• Uh, oh. Looks like my Bank of America account has been compromised. I'll be back after I fill out this form to confirm my identity. I need to grab my credit card number, Social Security number, and all sorts of other information they need. I don't even remember ever having a BoA account...

So by my calculations, plus conversion fees, I can apparently purchase 568,649 copies of Photoshop. Not bad for one day.